Romance scams: how they work and how to stop them

A romance scammer builds trust over weeks or months, then invents an emergency that needs money. Here is how to spot one early, even when the person seems kind and real.

How a romance scam usually unfolds

1. The friendly first message. A stranger reaches out on social media, a dating site, a game, or even a short "Hello, is this Linda?" text or email that seems sent by mistake.
2. Fast affection. They message daily, call you "dear" or "my love," and quickly move the chat to WhatsApp, Telegram or private email.
3. A reason they can't meet. They work on an oil rig, serve overseas, or travel for business. Video calls never happen or the camera is always "broken."
4. The emergency. A medical bill, customs fee, frozen bank account or plane ticket. Then another. And another.
5. The investment twist. Some scammers skip the emergency and instead "teach" you to invest in crypto on a site they control.

Warning signs

• They profess love before you have met in person.
• They always have an excuse not to video call.
• Their photos look like a model or stock photo (a reverse image search often finds them under another name).
• They ask for money, gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency.
• They ask you to keep the relationship secret from family.
• Their story has small details that change over time.

What to do

1. Stop sending money, even if they promise to pay you back.
2. Talk to someone you trust: a child, friend, or your ShieldsON Trusted Advisor.
3. Save the messages, then block the person.
4. Call your bank if you sent money, and report it at ic3.gov or call the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 1-833-372-8311 and reportfraud.ftc.gov.
5. Expect "recovery" offers afterward. People who promise to get your money back for a fee are usually the same scammers.

How ShieldsON helps

The ShieldsON ribbon flags short "contact probe" emails, mismatched names and senders, and requests to move the chat elsewhere. Members can paste any message into Ask Fred, who is trained on real romance-scam patterns, and get a plain-English answer in seconds.